Tracy Myers is the Coordinator of Programs for Youth and Children at Haven Society. I visited her at the society office to ask her about the Children and Youth Who Witness Abuse program (CWWA), funded by the United Way. CWWA is a program for children and youth aged 3 to 18 who have been exposed to violence at home.
Children and Youth Who Witness Abuse was born out of the ‘transition house’ movement, workers in these houses noticed children didn’t have anywhere to process the events that led them and their mother to a transition house. There were therapeutic groups for the women but nothing for their children, and workers were noticing the physiological and psychological effects on the children. This was the first time anyone considered the trauma secondary recipients (children) were experiencing by watching the abuse of others. The long held belief had been if the children aren’t being abused they’re not being affected. But ‘vicarious trauma’ as it is referred to – something happens to you, I see it and I feel it – has been studied more extensively over the years and the CWWA program was developed to answer the emotional needs of these children who witness abuse.
The program is the same for all children and youth. They discuss their family story, they have a chance to share whatever they wish, and they’re educated about abuse and what it means (the two kinds of abuse – physical and emotional). They also learn to separate anger and abuse. Anger is healthy and okay. We all feel and even express anger. Abuse is not healthy and not okay to be expressed. This program is really about empowering the child or youth to feel safe and in control of a very unstable situation.
From the very beginning of their time at Haven, they’re given control over their situation. When Tracy first meets with a child or youth – alone or in the company of a caregiver – the first question she asks is ‘Do you understand why you’re here?’ In the group setting, each group is asked how they would like the group to operate, to come up with their own rules. One group of 10-year-old boys decided one of the first rules of their group should be ‘It’s okay to cry.’ Their first step to feeling in control. Each of the groups is set-up in a similar way, just adjusting for the developmental differences in age.
Children under 5 work one-on-one with their caregiver and the counsellor. They same topics covered in group for the older children are covered here, but most of the work is really on the attachment between Mom and child. The mother child bond can also be impacted by Mom’s fear and need to protect her child or keep children quiet during potential violent episodes with a partner. Children under the age of 5 rely heavily on the tone of voice, the facial expressions, the physical contact of their mother to feel secure, and women who are stressed and living in traumatic circumstances are often unable to connect to their children in the way they need to feel safe and secure. This stress is passed on to the child during their formative developmental years and they can carry the scars for years. Most of the work for these children under 5 is done with the caregiver (Mom or guardian), and together with the counsellor they work on what the child needs to feel safe and connected to their caregiver, and on developing the language to best communicate about safety and feelings.
Children between 5 and 12 talk about boundaries and what’s appropriate behaviour – in themselves and in other people. They learn what healthy, happy relationships between people should look and feel like. Girls are taught how to value and protect their bodies, especially in their relationships with boys and men. Boys are also taught the same boundaries and they learn about respecting the differences between boys and girls. All modelling behaviour they may not see at home.
Teenagers between 13 and 18 don’t often find their way to Haven with their mother, but make other arrangements (ie: stay with friends or family). They are certainly encouraged and included at Haven, but no opportunity to get support is ever forced on anyone, and Tracy admits most teenagers don’t hang around. Haven then works with their mother to come up with a plan to keep the teenagers safe and secure while she – and perhaps her younger children – are in Haven. The goal of Haven is to provide support for the entire family, wherever they may be.
I was most moved by the idea that each of these children and youth who are involved in the CWWA program create a ‘Safety Plan’ with Tracy. When I was growing up the scariest thing I ever had to learn was the ‘what to do in case of fire’ plan with my family. These children have to create a plan on what do to do keep safe in their own home when the violence escalates to abuse.
This safety plan involves drawing a map of the house and coming up with safe places to hide. Tracy helps children identify safe people they can go to or talk to when scared (a neighbour maybe or call a relative). They’re encouraged to find safe objects that are comforting – a toy, a blanket or a book – to take with them to their safe place. Very young children work with their caregiver to come up with a safe word that the mother can use to tell her child(ren) it’s time to go to the safe place. All children – especially young children – try to protect their mothers in violent situations. By working with the mothers and their children, Tracy is able to create a plan the mothers can implement to protect her children. The ‘Safety Plan’ means the children must follow it no matter what they hear or witness. Ideally for Tracy, the plan includes getting the children – and hopefully the mother – out of the violent situations before they come up. Leaving when the partner starts drinking. Staying with friends for a few days if he’s using drugs or acting aggressively. In group sessions, all children and youth learn to call 911. They memorize their address and their phone number. They practice making the call and what they need to say. Even the very young children learn this if they can.
Young children don’t have the vocabulary to articulate their feelings or experiences, and often ‘talk’ to Tracy through pictures. During my visit she showed me a child’s drawing and shared a little of the child’s story with me. I wasn’t prepared for how affected I would be by what I learned from Tracy.
Tracy handed me a letter-sized piece of white paper with a drawing on it. Tracy’s ‘client’ is a 6 year old and this drawing is her story. There are two stick figures – a man and a woman – and what is clearly supposed to be an ambulance. Everything has been drawn in black ink except the man’s face, which is red. His black ink mouth is a jagged line. The woman’s face is covered in what looks like scratches. Short, sharp lines hide most of her forehead, cheeks, eyes and mouth. The man has his hands raised in the picture and there are knives where the fingers should be. The scratches on the face of the woman represent stab marks. This is a 6-year-old’s story of the night she and her 4-year-old sister watched their father attack their mother with a knife.
Last year United Way gave $30,000 to Haven Society for their Children and Youth Who Witness Abuse program. The program wouldn’t exist without the funding. No child should be drawing such horrifying pictures. They shouldn’t be able to imagine this kind of violence, let alone experience it. But thanks to the work of Haven and counsellors like Tracy Meyers, children are given the support, counselling and education they need to overcome such life altering experiences. This kind of care also helps end the cycle of violence that can occur when children are raised in violent environments and are witnesses to abuse.

Ladysmith Family and Friends – LaFF – is a Family Resource Program and non-profit society supporting approximately 400 families from Lantzville to Cowichan Valley. Monday to Friday, 9:30am to 12:00 noon, the program at the Aggie Hall downtown Ladysmith offers a supportive, safe and fun play based learning environment for parents and caregivers of children newborn to age 6. Any family can benefit from the community at LaFF and attendance can reduce the sense of isolation many parents and caregivers may feel.
Jacquie Neligan, LaFF Coordinator, wants parents and caregivers to feel like LaFF is part of their family. A community livingroom where you can drop-in anytime.

“Come because you’re having a great day, or come because you’re having a bad day,” is her motto.

The large open space of the hall is set-up into stations that include a large secure space to climb, jump, run, ride and balance; a craft table; a lending library and comfy reading area; dress up closet for imaginative play; various toys and puzzles to work on together with family and friends; a cooking area where the whole family can get together and prepare the daily snack. Although the main program at LaFF is the morning program, there are also evening programs such as sewing or craft classes open to the entire family, or Family Frolics which is an hour long program one evening a week for families with 0-6 year olds. LaFFternoon is an hour long program one afternoon a week which is focuses on a lot of the same creative play and learning opportunities as the morning program, but is smaller and meant for families and children who want a quieter experience; popular with people new to the community, caregivers whose second language is English, and families with children that thrive in a calmer environment.
The hall feels like a community living room. Parents and guardians visit with each other and watch each other’s children. The staff will do the laundry from the kitchen – dish towels etc from the daily snack clean-up – and pile it on an empty table where everyone takes a turn at folding while enjoying a cup of tea or coffee. This community feel is encouraged at LaFF. Most items for the daily snack are donated, but each family is asked to contribute something to the collective pot if possible. Families are members of the society and pay $2.00 for a 5-year membership. This membership encourages the engagement of members in the society through: volunteerism, invitation to Board Meetings, assisting the society through formal roles on working committees, etc.
And there’s room for the whole family at LaFF. Jacquie explains that although the mandate of LaFF is to focus on early childhood development and support families and caregivers in their role raising children newborn to 6 years of age (before they go off to school), there are times when school-age children are involved at LaFF as well, such as Professional Development days – when schools are closed – and during the summer. There is a ‘graduation ceremony’ every August for children who will be heading to school for the first time in September. They are awarded certificates and their ‘Junior Mentor’ pins and invited back to LaFF not as participants, but as little volunteers, with specific tasks and responsibilities that support the play of the younger children. This involvement of the entire family ensures there are few if any barriers for parents and caregivers who want to access the LaFF program.
LaFF is also a great gateway for other services in the community. Each month there are opportunities for families to have access to health services they may not have knowledge of or even consider using, such as a speech and language pathologist, nutritionist, community health nurse, and dental hygienist. LaFF and other local organizations that provide services in early childhood development work together to spread the word about the programs available to families in the Ladysmith area. The focus of LaFF – and many of the organizations they work closely with – is early childhood development. This group – called the Ladysmith Early Years Partnership – includes organizations like LaFF which provide early childhood education (ie: Boys & Girls Clubs, Nanaimo Child Development Centre, Success by 6), the Town of Ladysmith and the Nanaimo & Ladysmith School District, the Vancouver Island Health Authority and Vancouver Island Regional Library. The organizations in the Ladysmith Early Years Partnership understand the necessity to focus on quality education for children under the age of 6 and their programs and services are modeled around the early childhood education requirements for school age children, in an effort to ensure these children are prepared for school – kindergarten through to graduation.
In 2001, the Early Development Instrument (EDI) was implemented in British Columbia. The EDI was developed by researchers at the Offord Centre for Child Studies at McMaster University. EDI is a questionnaire of 104 questions and measures five core areas of early child development (early childhood being age 0 to 5) that are good predictors of adult health, education and social outcomes (Physical Health & Well-Being, Social Competence, Emotional Maturity, Language & Cognitive Development and Communication Skills & General Knowledge).
The EDI questionnaire is completed by B.C. kindergarten teachers for all children in their classes, usually in February when they’ve had enough time to get to know their students and answer the questions knowledgably. Although the questionnaire is completed on individual children, the information is used to measure development changes/trends in a population area (ie: a school district or community). The data gathered is used by early childhood development (ECD) workers, ECD service providers and school representatives to inform their work with children and young families by identifying strengths and needs within their communities.
According to Dr. Clyde Hertzman, Director of the Human Early Learning Partnership (HELP), College of Interdisciplinary Studies at UBC, 30% of children in BC reach school age without meeting the five core areas as indicated by the EDI, affecting their development and ability to operate affectively thereafter. HELP was established in an effort to take the broad ideas outlined in EDI and create public awareness around what can and should be done at a community level improve ECD, what in society influences ECD (for better or worse), and encourage discussion throughout society about the importance of ECD.

According to Dr. Hertzman, “Our early childhood experiences influence health, well-being, learning and behaviour for the rest of our lives. Until recently in Canada, the implications of this were left to families to cope with on their own. Since 2001, HELP has been trying to make quality early childhood experiences a public issue. We have tried to show Canadians that community and society have a role to play in helping families ensure that these experiences support healthy early child development and do not undermine it.”

Ladysmith recognizes it takes a village to raise a child – or in this case a town – and is committed to doing so. Aggie Hall – where LaFF and most of its programs are housed – is donated by the Town of Ladysmith. The local baker – and board president – donates bread for the daily snack. Even those community members, who don’t have young children, volunteer at LaFF, repairing toys or clipping coupons for the families to use. Recently, two students from Ladysmith Secondary (and previous LaFF participants) approached LaFF and wrote a report the non-profit and its impact on the community. The report was application to the Toscana Life Sciences Foundation where winning reports received a donation for the non-profit profiled. The report written by the Ladysmith high school students was so well-received Toscana donated $5,000 to LAFF.
LaFF understands and appreciates the value of the village – or town – in which they reside, recognizing most of what is accomplished in the Town of Ladysmith is based on cooperation. In this spirit of community-mindedness, LaFF donated $2,000 back to the high school carpentry program, for the students to build a garden shed for another valuable neighbour non-profit – the Community Garden. LaFF has supported the Community Garden since its inception, renting a plot, using the fresh garden vegetables and herbs for their snacks, and teaching LaFF families how to garden.
The remaining $3000 LaFF received, thanks to the initiative of their students, has been invested back into other areas of the high school – like ordering catering from the cooking program or hiring students from the music and theatre improve group to perform for events – and remaining monies will be invested into other areas in the community. Jacquie shared this information with me, not to highlight just LaFF and its contribution to the community, but to outline the ties and relationships the community has built to support each other. LaFF was first established in 1993 and many of Ladysmith’s adults were once children in the program. I get the sense the community spirit of Ladysmith really does start in infancy, in the playful setting of Aggie Hall, where babies have tummy time with their moms, children dress up, draw pictures or read books, and toddlers climb and run and jump under the watchful eyes of many grown-ups who fold laundry and catch up over a cup of tea.

Associated Family & Community Support Services (AFCSS) provides eight difference services from their tiny house-turned-office space in Parksville, ranging from individual and group therapy, outreach, and suicide assessment. As you can imagine the programs often overlap. A child or teenager comes to the attention of the counsellor through one program, only to benefit from one or more of the other services of AFCSS. In partnership with Society of Organized Services, AFCSS offers a Youth Bereavement Support program, funded by the United Way. The program is offered through one-on-one and group counselling and referrals come from staff, Victim Services, school counsellors, family members or the Ministry of Children & Families. The program is available to children and youth up to 19 years of age who experience any significant loss and need a space to experience grief.

I sit in a room that looks very much like a living room. There’s a floral couch, a couple of simple chairs, some pictures, a bookshelf and windows that look out into the backyard. I sit with Susan Butler, the Executive Director, and a Family Therapist, and Mina Ishioka, Family Counsellor and VIU alumni, BA – Child and Youth Care (2009).

Mina first volunteered with AFCSS and did a practicum in 2007 before being hired on full-time. She and fellow VIU alumni Jamie Fletcher, BA – Psychology, are counsellors for the Youth Bereavement Support program. Jamie came to AFCSS from RCMP Victim Services Program and is well-known in the community for her ability to connect and provide an understanding contact for youth. Together, Mina and Jamie provide children and youth in Parksville a safe space to experience grief. I ask Mina to tell me about the program. What does it look like? How does it work? I try to imagine the program like a group support program adults would attend in the basement of a local church or community hall. I think bereavement support is only for those who’ve lost someone through death, but grief in teenagers is often more complicated. The loss of a friendship, the divorce of parents, or a move to a new town, can often trigger the symptoms of grief. Rather than talk about these feelings, there is just outward anxiety and anger, acting out at school or home, and even withdrawing from friends and family. Children who experience grief have a similarly tough time expressing their feelings. They simply don’t have the skills and vocabulary to express them self. This is where Mina and Jamie come in.

For children, art and play are the best therapy. They can literally act out their feelings with Mina, or draw a picture that best expresses what they are going through. For teenagers, meeting over a cup of coffee or taking a walk on the beach is more comfortable than an office setting. Mina has a background in kung fu, and has recently started using the breathing and body awareness training from kung fu to teach her clients about relaxation when dealing with strong emotions such as grief. By spending time with these children and youth, Mina gets to know them, know their moods, when they’re having good days and bad, and as they begin to trust her, they open up to her in large and small ways. This time allows her to assess their coping skills, find out how the child or youth is struggling and find a way to best help them cope.

Mina shares with me the story of a teenage boy I’ll call John. His father disappeared and the evidence collected by police pointed to suicide, but a body was never found. John was grieving the loss of his father and yet struggling with a hope that he would still come home. He couldn’t find a way to completely let go of hope, and yet by hanging on he was also hanging on to his grief. He was missing school and struggling socially, emotionally and even physically. His family was worried. John wrote poetry, and while working with Mina, he wrote a poem for his father. He wanted this particular poem published in an effort to reach out to his father, whether he really was dead or still alive somewhere. Mina and the team at AFCSS found a way to make this happen through a newsletter called Good Grief, which focuses on healing and help for those who are suffering. The poem, called ‘Life’ was published in 2008. Here is an excerpt:

Life is fragile – something not to be taken lightly. It is also beautiful and mysterious … If you are going through hard times, do not choose suicide. You are ruining more lives than just your own.

John wanted to help other youth who experience a loss due to suicide, and with the organizational help of the team at AFCSS, he started facilitating groups in local schools for grade 10 students. They’d gather in a circle and John would share his story. Some other students began to share their stories as well and their feelings of sadness, anger, despair and fear. The Youth Bereavement program isn’t just about helping teens and children deal with grief. Often, the very act of sharing thoughts and feelings can save a life if despair is taking hold and suicide is being contemplated.

According to Susan Butler, since 1995 no child or youth has ‘completed’ in Parksville, thanks to programs just like this. When she first says ‘completed’, my face must have registered my shock, because although I suspect I know what the word means, it’s upsetting to hear is said so openly. “Complete is the term we use for an individual who successfully commits suicide,” Susan explains to me. This hurts my heart, that there is such a term. Two terms actually: attempt and complete. I don’t ask her how many children and youth attempt suicide, and she doesn’t provide this information. I’m afraid to know. But the Youth Bereavement program catches children and teenagers when they’re vulnerable to be consumed by their feelings of loss, sadness, anger, anxiety, and it’s not lost on me that the $25,000 AFCSS received in funding from United Way in 2011 may have literally saved lives.

Well Read Books is an amazing second-hand bookstore located downtown Nanaimo. If you’re a book lover like me, there are treasures to be found on every shelf, including classic volumes of literature, stories from my childhood, and valuable rare books, which are sold online to customers all over the world. Well Read Books is the home to Literacy Central Vancouver Island.

Literacy Central VI has been around since 1991, serving communities from Ladysmith to Nanoose Bay. The organization supports adult and child learners, as well as learners to whom English is a second language. The literacy programs include basic reading, writing, math and computer skills. Some of the programs take place in the Well Read Books, or Well Read Kids located below the main level, and others take place out in the community.

One program that receives support from United Way is the Reading with Dogs program (Now Dogs ‘N Kids Reading Club). The dogs are donated and their owners commit to having their dogs take part in (and pass) a child-friendly training session. Once suitable dogs are selected, they are matched with a child and meet once a week during school semester, along with their owner and a tutor for a ½ hour session.

This program is designed for the child who is really struggling with reading. They may be afraid or embarrassed to read aloud in class, they find reading for school and home work difficult, and they avoid reading for pleasure.

Dogs ‘N Kids works because dogs don’t judge. Children learn to feel safe with their furry companions and are encouraged by their tutor to read to the dog in a private environment. There is an area of the children’s bookstore, Well Read Kids, set aside just for this special Reading Club. Two ‘dog houses’ are set-up complete with books and stuffed animals and tiny child-sized benches. The only ones allowed in the ‘dog house’ during a session are the child, the dog, the dog’s handler and the tutor. The child doesn’t have to worry about sitting in a classroom, scrutinized by other kids and monitored by teachers.
Leila, the Program Coordinator, watches the kids come out of their shells and experience a love of reading, perhaps for the first time.

“They’re not reading to their class or to me,” she explains. “They’re reading to the dog and they both enjoy the story!”

Children learn to love to read. By increasing the child’s confidence and comfort in reading aloud, and by encouraging the child to read regularly and enjoy the experience, their reading skills improve. And so do their grades.

Unfortunately, not all children have the chance to learn this love of reading, and they grow into adults that continue to struggle with their literacy. United Way provides funding for the Volunteer Literacy Tutor Program which includes an outreach component.

This program is a joint project with VIU. Jacqueline Webster, Literacy Tutor Coordinator for Literacy Central VI, works downtown as well as on campus. She is paid as a VIU employee. The ties between these organizations are strong. People in the community often find their way to the Literacy bookstore and the services available to them, before they make their way on campus. This inviting downtown location puts potential learners at ease. The outreach program makes literacy even more accessible by going out into the community to provide access to learners that have transportation and childcare challenges and who also are initially more comfortable receiving tutoring at organizations they may already be familiar with, such as Nanaimo Youth Services, Women’s Resource Centre, Tillicum Lelum, Nanaimo Correctional Centre, Salvation Army, Ladysmith Resource Centre and Snuneymuxw First Nation.

There are currently 40 to 45 volunteer tutors working in the bookstore and in the community at outreach locations. Each tutor receives 30 hours of training and the opportunity for professional upgrading workshops twice a year. Tutors are matched with a learner for 6 months and the tutoring is all learner based, and learner driven. The learner provides the framework for their success. They want to get their high school diploma, upgrade their math skills for university, or just be better able to read alongside their children. They decide what their goals look like.

Programs such as those offered at Literacy Central VI are the backbone of a community. Reading, writing, math and even computer skills are often a required part of daily life. Children and adults who can read and write are better able to participate in their community and develop personally and professionally.

VIU benefits from the work of Literacy Central VI because the programs create learners, both young and old. These learners, who started out thinking all they wanted was to read aloud or graduate high school, may end up on campus in a classroom. By supporting United Way, we support future VIU students.

At 4 years old Tali would answer the door dressed in a suit, holding a microphone, ready to greet everyone with a question. A born news man. His mother had just moved her four children from Scotland to settle in Nanaimo and being a single parent made life challenging. Big Brothers Big Sisters of Central Vancouver Island works with single parent/guardian families, recognizing the need for children being raised without a father or mother figure to have an adult mentor of the same gender.

There is a waitlist for big brothers and sisters, and Tali had to wait four years. His sisters were matched with Big Sisters within a year or so, but a Big Brother was harder to find. Every time Denise Robinson, Executive Director of BBBSCVI, visited with Tali’s family, there he’d be, dressed in a suit and holding his microphone, asking where his Big Brother was.

“At one point Tali asked a man who worked at a construction site near his home if he’d be his Big Brother,” Denise recalls with a smile. “He never gave up.”

Bob has been Tali’s Big Brother for 7 years. He supported Tali’s determination and enthusiasm. They would go to City Council meetings together, because Tali was interested in politics. They would volunteer during municipal elections and every Christmas they’d be out with the Salvation Army Christmas Kettles. Tali is interested in all things related to his community.

Tali was and is no ordinary Little Brother. He writes for his school paper – which he started – and a local youth paper, he has experience in front of a camera, behind a camera, and has recently created a web radio show. In July of this year Tali was awarded a $35,000 education scholarship from the CIBC Youthvision Scholarship Program (in partnership with Big Brothers, Big Sisters and YMCA) and an internship every summer starting in grade 10 until he graduates from university or college. Big Brother Bob and the team at Big Brothers Big Sisters couldn’t be prouder, and Tali credits them all for supporting him and guiding him on this path.

Supporting the United Way supports the Tali’s in our community. Who’s to say what wonderful doors are opened for someone who receives just the hand up they need when life throws out a bump in the road? I promise you, a few dollars a week can change a life.

Tiffany is a VIU student and graduates from the BBA program in December. She already has her Diploma in Social Services, but after volunteering for years, she sees the value of a business degree in the not-for-profit world. She’s currently volunteering 10 hours a week of administrative time to the Big Brothers, Big Sisters of Central Vancouver Island, but was first involved with BBBS back in high school. At 15 she was the youngest high school student accepted into the Teen Mentoring program that matches teen mentors with elementary school students. Tiffany had a school counsellor who encouraged the opportunity because she believed Tiffany was mature enough to make a positive difference in a child’s life, and benefit herself from the experience.

She was matched with a 10-year-old girl who had a sister close in age. The sisters started with one mentor, but the 10-year-old was painfully shy and depended heavily on her sister. It was decided the sisters should transition to a more independent relationship, and Tiffany was brought in to work with the other mentor to slowly separate the two girls so they could be mentored individually.

Every week for an hour or so Tiffany would go to the girl’s elementary school to meet with her young student and they would paint or do a craft or read together. At the time Tiffany didn’t realize how much she was affecting change in the life of the 10-year-old. The girl would go home and talk about her time with Tiffany to her guardian and her sister. To the little girl this hour a week was special. What Tiffany was to find out later was her student began to excel in school and she came out of her shell. The little girl began to blossom. For Tiffany the experience showed her what it was like for children who didn’t have what she had always taken for granted.

“I wanted to take her outside to play,” she explains. “But she didn’t have a coat. I didn’t understand. How could she not have a coat? The experience was eye opening for a teenager who came from a family with financial means.”

Tiffany has clearly been shaped by her experience with BBBS. She’s confident and kind and very enthusiastic about the difference she sees being made in the lives of the children and youth she meets at Big Brothers, Big Sisters. I can’t help but be moved by this connection between a VIU student and a program supported by the United Way. Tiffany is poised to affect real change in the world she lives in, thanks to her involvement with Big Brothers, Big Sisters, and her education here at VIU. And the little girl she mentored all those years ago? She was allowed to feel special, important and individual. If you have children, I expect most of your kids feel this way already. They know they’re loved. What happens to the kids who don’t feel this in their daily lives?

United Way funded the program that changed a little girl’s life. The program changed Tiffany’s life too actually. And I’m happy to admit that sitting down with Tiffany, learning what ‘be the change’ really looks like, opened my mind to what’s possible with just a few dollars well invested. How great is that?

I’m the first to admit I’m not much of a cook, so I feel like I’m back in Home Ec class – literally – when I join the Growin’ On Up program held at John Barsby Community School. There are eight white stoves that look like they haven’t changed in the twenty plus years since I’ve been here, about a dozen aprons hanging on hooks against the wall, and windows that overlook a parking lot. But this class isn’t for high school students. Growin’ On Up is open to the community, free of charge, and the group I’m with today is three moms – ranging in age from late teens to late twenties – and their collection of four kids. There is childcare onsite and one corner of the classroom has been turned into a daycare with toys and crayons and tiny chairs for sitting on. The childcare allows the moms to focus on learning and that’s what we’re here for today.

To be honest, kids freak me out, and four kids UNDER the age of four running amok (even well-contained in the corner of the room) make me very uncomfortable. They move really fast despite their small size, and I’m forever herding them away from hot oven doors, back toward their corner and childminder. This girl looks far more relaxed at the antics of her charges than I feel watching them. The youngest child is a little girl with big dark eyes and diamond-like stud earrings. She smiles a lot. Her mother is a beautiful young woman and who talks excitedly about growing her own vegetables and herbs and asks a lot of questions. She’s keen to get cooking the three recipes we’re working on today – roasted veggies, apple pie and baked salmon (generously donated to today’s feast).

Anna Dodds is from Nanaimo Foodshare and the facilitator of Growin’ On Up, a weekly program for young parents and their children that teach basic cooking skills, using fresh herbs, fruits and veggies from the Community Roots Food Garden at John Barsby. The funding from United Way pays for Anna, the young woman who watches over the children while we cook, and the additional ingredients required to make a balanced meal.

So here we are, a handful of women, dressed in our warm coats, following Anna out to the garden. We need to pick some herbs for the salmon and the veggies. Already in the kitchen are carrots, purple beets, yams and red potatoes, all from the garden. The garden is lovely, controlled chaos. The beds are overflowing. Large, leafy kale plants grow into the pathways, and various herbs are planted are so close together when you reach your hands in to pick some, they come away smelling a sweet mixture of sage, rosemary, basil and mint. Anna explains to a woman who complains of a sore throat how to make a soothing tea from steeping fresh sage and mint in boiling water with honey. This is a community garden and we’re encouraged to pick as much as we need. Stop by anytime. The woman with the sore throat picks a handful of the silvery sage and bright green mint. The rest of us snap up some rosemary for the potatoes and basil for the salmon.

Together we wash, peel, chop and prepare our meal. While we work, Anna edudates. She shows us how to best chop the vegetables for roasting (small chunks or long sticks), she talks about preserving the nutrients by leaving skins on, cooking temperatures and times, growing our own vegetables, and making smart choices in the grocery store. Stick to the outside of the store where the fresh produce, dairy and meats are kept, avoiding as much as possible the interior isles of tempting, packaged foods.

“Check the taxes on your food bill,” she explains. “You pay tax on prepared foods, but not on raw ingredients like fruit and vegetables.”

Anna doesn’t believe for one minute cooking with healthy, fresh ingredients is more expensive. Processed food charges the consumer for advertising and packaging. In season fruits and vegetables are healthy, affordable and as we’re learning today, easy to cook. The women share tips for making their food dollars go farther, including a corner store known for great deals on produce. Unfortunately, the corner store is in a neighbourhood one young woman is nervous about being in with her two sons. The other women suggest they make a trip of it together. Safety in numbers.

I’ve never had to worry about affording groceries or feeding a family. I shop for deals like a lot of people, but for these women I get the sense that the best deal in town is what’s happening in this room. A fresh free meal, all the leftovers you can carry, a chance to connect with other mothers in the neighbourhood, and a safe space to learn a skill that is valuable for all of us: making a home-cooked meal. We take notes and we each receive a copy of the recipes to take home. I learn how to make pastry from scratch and how to bake kale in the oven so the leaves taste like salty, crunchy chips. As much as this class is about learning it’s also about socializing. These mothers clearly help each other out. One woman provides snacks for all four kids. I end up rocking the youngest child in her stroller so her mother can watch Anna put the pastry together for the pie. The youngest boy screams like a banshee for the better part of what feels like an hour, and we all rally together to distract him, entertain him, feed him and placate him so his mom has a chance to enjoy the baked salmon and roasted veggies she helped prepare. Anna shares with me this class is an opportunity for these young women to come back into the school – perhaps the same school they dropped out of to have their child – and spend some time in a learning environment, without shame or stress. Being back in school, even for these few hours a week, is incentive enough for many women to get back in the classroom and graduate high school.

As we sit down to enjoy the meal, the children munch on roasted rosemary potatoes and yams glazed with balsamic and olive oil. The little man sitting next to me smiles, a squished potato in his hand, before dropping it on the floor.

“Uh oh,” he says.

I pick up the potato from the ground and put it on the table well away from him. I’m told there is no 5 second rule when it comes to toddlers, but I present him with a new piece of potato from him plastic bowl. He smiles – rather wickedly I think – and drops the veggie on the floor.

“Uh oh,” he says again.

His mother warns me, this is a game he loves to play. I eye him suspiciously and deliberately pop a potato piece in my mouth. He reaches toward me with sticky hands.

“Too bad kid,” I tell him. “You had your chance. This one’s mine.”

Clearly my parenting skills need as much work as my cooking skills. Good thing I have dogs.